Possitivity really DOES help.

I have been feeling an emotional down turn recently, and it has sparked a few eating disordered thoughts, feelings and reactions. I have been struggling with the overwhelming fear of gaining weight again. This time though, I have been given a tool that has actually helped, even in the middle of my panic/self hatred thought cycle. I stop myself, and I think if the opposite statement to the negative one that I am repeating to myself. If I am thinking "I am so fat" I make myself think "My body is healthy and beautiful." Even if I do not believe the statement to be true, I am training my brain to think positive things about myself, instead of thinking negative things about myself all the time. Most of my thoughts are negative, and self defeating. I believe that my eating disorder behavior has a lot to do with just trying to distract myself from the pain of feeling so horribly about myself. This makes life livable for me, because it gives me a focus, a focus that isn't so painful. So, I am starting to counter my negativity towards myself with positivity. Every night I write down in my journal as many affirmations about my self as I can think of, and I tell myself positive things when I feel badly, and this works. I am committing myself to operating like this, until the positive thoughts are the natural ones, and the negative take a back seat. I am also choosing over and over again each day to believe and have faith, that I am in the right place at the right time. I am not meant to be striving. This takes off a million pounds. I have to believe that God is leading and guiding me, that I have not missed some critical detail, that I am where he has meant for me to be at any given time.

Also, I have started a forum on gone raw.com called "E.D take-down support group", and I have let them know about this blog, just in case being totaly open and honest is to hard on such a huge site. It may be easier to come for help in a concentrated population of supporters for this specific issue. So, I hope to see a lot more people reaching out here!